We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
