I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My balls are so social today.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
