If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
