Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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