Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
