You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
is it fun? or sober?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
