God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
