My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
