ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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