I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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