Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
