Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
