so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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