Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
