do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
