Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
