Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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