I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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