He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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