i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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