So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
