my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
