I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
