Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
There's even glitter on my cock...
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