I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
