3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
