You're my little dorito
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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