Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
