i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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