Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
