so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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