he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
