dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize