I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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