I cut my penus on the lid.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
