you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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