so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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