the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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