i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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