He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
