Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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