I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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