I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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