Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
