So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
