I'm passing your future prison.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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