Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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