I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
