i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
