it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He shit in the fireplace
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
