i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
