2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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