so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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