he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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