I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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