winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
