My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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