Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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