whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
