I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
