My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
