Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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