yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
