It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
