I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
