that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
