Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
