So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
